RebeccaIsLeft

As many of you may well have realised, I'm not much of a DeviantArt user anymore.

I strayed away from drawing a long time ago and just don't have the time anymore. I'm halfway through my last year of school, and then in September '13 I'm moving to the UK to go to university and studying English Lit and Film Studies.
So I'm still with the arts, I suppose. Just not making it myself.

In case anyone is still interested, I write a lot now. I fell back into the fanfiction trap over summer and I've started a few original works too, which'll never see the light of day.

If you have a Tumblr account, feel free to ask for my URL if you're still up to keeping up with me. Though be warned, it's probably going to ruin any conceptions about me you've had before.

I'm sorry for all the great friends I made on here and have completely lost contact with. My deviantart years were a great time, and I'm thankful for every one of my watchers. Thank you for everything.

Maybe I'll see you again some day if I ever fall back into the drawing world.

Though it's not something I'm expecting.

Hope you're all doing better than I am, and good luck in your artistic endeavours,
Rebecca.

I know it's not been a week since my last journal, and I hate posting journals so close to each other BUT BUT BUUUUUUUUUT

I HAVE NEWS
GOOD ONES

The 3 comprehensive schools in Gibraltar have offered 10 students from each school a really really cheap education trip in summer to Auschwitz-Birkenau, the most famous concentration camp in Krakow, Poland.

I applied, but the chances were pretty slim of being picked, as loads of people were applying. And well...

I GOT PICKED YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

I think it's in June some time, and I've always been a bit history-obsessed (especially world-war history) and I've always wanted to see this. We're also going to see Schindler's factory where he saved hundreds and hundreds of lives of people meant to be in concentration camps. You've probably seen the film - and if you haven't you HAVE to watch it.
(Fact: Oscar Schindler died on the 9th of October - which is my birthday.)

I'm really looking forward to this. It'll also mean being able to add another country to my list of countries I've been in. (That'll make it 14 countries I've been to!)
And I get to see Krakow, which is a really beautiful city apparently.
We also get to talk to a holocaust surviver who was in Auschwitz when he was 8/9ish.

It gets even better!
One of my best friends michikoneko4 has also been picked to go. It's gonna be so amazing... even if we do spend half the time crying.

So... so... so... excited!


happy-rant-journal is over now.
Thanks for reading!!

It's been a while since my last journal (since last year actually).

So, hows 2012 treating you guys so far?

You may have noticed that I haven't been very active lately... 2012 seems to think all I get to do this year is homework and stress. not entirely true, there have been some good things

I'll try and upload a little something or another sometime so that I don't completely die out on dA. Be warned - I haven't been drawing well lately. It's all rather rushed. You know how when you explain something, or in my case, write an essay and you just pour out every single thought/idea onto paper?
I do that with my drawings sometimes. Not in the emotional way, more like, "I'm just gonna put pencil to paper, let's see what happens!" kind of way.

So should I talk about recent stuff that's going on in my life?
Apart from tons and tons of schoolwork, I'm also doing a drama club outside of school, and we're putting on a show at the end of the month. So I have rehearsals around 3 times a week, after school and on saturdays.
It's fun. It distracts me from maths (which is the pure embodiment of Hell). I am millimetres away from dropping maths.
another good thing is that I am not longer 100% pure awkwardness, and I can actually talk to real life people without being super awkward. It's cool.

I always have the urge to turn these journals into some sort of diary, but I know people ARE going to actually read it (and people who know me in real life will read this too, so I have to think about what I should tell people in person and what they can read in some online journal of mine (now they'll question what's so important that I'm so worried about (and it's not that important really. It's just me being so confusing))). triple brackets, f-yeah!

To cut a long story short, I'm a very silly typical teenagerish girl who had a crush on a guy I swear I barely know and then a few weeks ago I 'gave up' because I was the only one putting effort into conversations and it was pointless. Then yesterday I went out (haven't been out since New Years), and I saw him again for the first time since then and he started a conversation (a slightly drunk one, but still...) and I ended up talking to him for most of the evening and it was so nice (even if it was only about german swearwords). And he promised me something before we left and I kind of expected him to forget, but then he didn't and I was really surprised and it sort of made my day today and I feel so ridiculous.

And now this thing has turned into a diary again and I'm gonna go to bed and hope no ones brings this up and I can pretend I'm still in the 'given up' stage. I swear, hormones are the worse invention ever. and now I'm really confused whether I should keep trying or not and fuuuuuuuuuuuu.

Pretend this journal ended at "it's cool" and you never read that.
I promise I'll be back soon.

So today was the last day of school, which consisted only of the show my year group has been planning the last 4 weeks.
I ranted quite a bit in my last journal, and a few of you were worried and really helped me feel better, so here's a journal to let you know that the Concert went really well, and all the work I was stressed over was worth it.

And now it's almost Christmas! The next 3 days I plan on doing as much homework as I can so that when it actually IS christmas, I can relax and have fun.

I can't think of much more to say right now, so I wish you all a merry christmas or, if you don't celebrate it, i wish you a good next few weeks anyway. See you all soon, and thanks for reading.

PS.
I apologise for my outburst of emoness on my last journal. I really should keep a diary so that I stop burdening other people with my petty problems.

AND do any of you play the Silent Hill games? Cause I downloaded one of them (Silent Hill 2, I think), and I've played like 10 minutes of it, only now I'm in the actual creepy town and I'm too scared that there will be zombie monster things to go any further. I'm a wimp. Also I've seen some cutscenes online and it's very scary...
I have no problem with horror movies... but games? And I don't even have a weapon.
So my question IS: Is it a good game? As in like, is it worth the scaryness I'd have to go through...?

This is an emo journal. Don't read if you don't want to hear me being depressed. ie, if I know you in real life, you might not want to read this, cause you'll get all worried and shit, and this is just me being a normal confused teenager I suppose.

I just feel terribly stressed and tired.

It's not even the Christmas stuff that's stressing me - well, maybe it's part of it. My school does a "Christmas Concert" every year, and my year group is the one to organise it this year.
I've spent the last week painting, building, making posters, writing scripts, organising other people and now I have to learn lines and cues for my acting parts.
We have more than 100 people in our year - I don't see why so much work has been piled up on me.
And apart from all that, I have my AS Maths Module in 3 weeks, which is so important that if I fail I can practically say goodbye to any maths qualifications. I'm trying to study for that, and failing miserably. I got a D in my last practice exam... which isn't so good.
And it's not only maths. I'm finally starting to see how much I'm going to have to work for Chemistry too. My teacher says it's normal not to understand much - which isn't really very encouraging. I hate not understanding stuff. And then there's english coursework and biology exams...

I'm also sick of myself. I feel like I've gotten lost somewhere in my piles of work and the 'parties' I like to have friday nights. This is so stereotypical but I have to say it - I don't really know what I'm really like anymore. Do I really enjoy partying? I like it when I'm out there, and I have a great time, but what about the serious me I'd like to think I am? Maybe my ego is just too big to accept that I'm just another 17 year old girl who secretly likes the idea of a little bit of uncontrolled-ness and 'living', and isn't the cultured, mature, serious, not-girly girl I used to think I was.
I don't know. I'm just really confused.

I feel like crying every day after school. Sometimes it's a test result, sometimes it's homework I don't understand, sometimes it's just something someone said or something someone didn't say.
And then I start getting jealous of people and start hating people who don't deserve to be hated.

It's great how when I see/hear other people talking like this I have a whole ton of things to say to them to make them feel better or to give them confidence, but when I feel like shit I have no idea what to do or what to think anymore.

So yeah... I'm going to stop now. The rest can go into a diary I've been meaning to start for about a month. I feel a bit like I've just been drowned in hormones. Being a teenager kind of sucks.
I'd wish you a merry christmas, but I think I'll leave that for a happier journal in a weeks time or so.

Again, I'm really sorry. And if you read all this, thanks, I guess, for caring/being curious.
It feels good having it all written out. I think I'll try having a early night tonight so I can have a little more energy tomorrow...
I promise to write a happy journal as soon as I feel in the right state to do so.